aninelivejacket:

A lot of people fall in love and become elated and full of excitement. Somewhere in the last five years that changed for me. I don’t know what did it. I don’t know if it’s a loss of hope, a physical change of brain chemistry, or just exhaustion. But now I hold off as long as I possibly can; because once I fall, the ground meets me all too quickly. Call me pessimistic or a cynic but when I fall in love I don’t see any visions of a bright happy possible future. I see a one sided longing and an indifferent and often oblivious subject of affection. It may be my emo side, but falling in love makes me feel lonelier than anything else in the world. Maybe that’s not falling in love, but I think that’s at least the closest thing I can call it. Maybe it’s called depression. I wish I could afford to find out.

Update: I am now in therapy. Hopefully we can track down what makes me feel this way and fix it.

Wasn’t ready for the lonely to come back so fast

There are a few unbearable things in this world: 

The familiar wash of rain outside your window as you fall asleep, 

The last few 24 karat rays of light the sun sighs out as it sets, 

That unique view from the back seat of a car on a long drive, 

A full moon, or any moon for that matter, shooting down that cool glow to find your way by,  

Even a bonire’s rage and dance can be unbearable.  

First, because it stimulates senses beyond just the five; 

You feel, without touch, the placeholder spirit of one who may come by your side and fill the space where they belong.  

And second, you know wherever they are… 

…they feel it too.  

if someone had feelings for you, but you didn’t have feelings for them, would you want them to let you know they had feelings for you or would you rather not know?